so glad

the week's over. it's been a long week. conference call after conference call. don't get me wrong--the information has been incredibly edifying. it just takes a toll as well. then there's been the weather. i love winter. i love snow. i just don't like having to drive in it! it's beautiful. deadly beautiful.

i was going to meet up with joy for shabu and drinks tonight--but i just couldn't stomach getting dressed and going out and i've been doing some work as well. it's just been really tiring and tomorrow will be an all day affair as well. i just didn't have the energy in me to do it!

so on deck tomorrow will be shabu for lunch with mae. then bed bath and beyond somewhere in long island. and then a movie (either gran turino or slumdog millionaire). i'm really excited. i've been dying to see both movies and just haven't found the opportunity or the time.

then a few days of work before i head back to seattle. i'm so excited to see the family and the new nephew and just to be back in the area. i get all nostalgic. all sentimental.

i'm a mix of contradictions. it used to confuse me. i embrace it now. i'm judgmental in an impersonal way--most people don't matter enough for me to be personal about it. i know how that sounds but it is, what it is. if you've been a victim of my tongue lashing--or look of disdain--it's never been personal. i'm rarely personal. the majority of people just aren't important enough to elicit an emotional response. only to people i care about. empathetic--not sympathetic. hot and passionate about certain issues--cold and austere about the rest. but i do have a strong streak of unexpected sentimentality.

i love good people. not the fake ones that put on a front. not the ones that are saccharin sweet--but the ones that admit their flaws and still, don't let it rule their lives. hard, ascerbic wit melded with a heavy dose of self-awareness and hope. everyday is a struggle to be good, to do good but at the same time, live life and have fun. but they always choose, when it counts, to do the right thing and not be bogged by life's little details. the ones that are generous in every sense of the word and truly care about something--whether it's people or not. they just emit goodness. the considerate ones. the chivalrous ones. the passionate ones--whether they show you straight up with intensity or whether they hide behind their lackadaisical nature. you know they care. the ones that don't take themselves so seriously and have a hint of mischief in their demeanor. the ones that love their family--flaws and all. the ones that live life.

i don't romanticize people's characteristics. i'm well aware of the pitfalls of every quality--the polarity that exists with them. i just don't feel that the negative aspect should be the focus. i've been lucky in my life to be surrounded by people like this from the time of my birth. i've rarely met people that i felt were worthy enough to be in the same category--but when i do--i've always tried to cherish my time with them--nothing lasts forever. but i never forget the impact they had on me. they become a part of the many shards of my life--gaining access to the lapses of sentimental thought that pass fleetingly through my mind at inopportune moments throughout my life. and while that may not sound impressive in its significance--considering the words that preceeded--if you let go of the minor detail and any prejudice you might have--you'll realize that, in the grander scheme of my life--they become present throughout--always impacting it. at least while i live and have some semblance of a memory.

i have many heroes and many character detractors. i care for none of them and care for all of them. i've never needed to have their approval--just their company. both reinforces my beliefs, passion, and drive. i'm well aware of my own flaws. the pride. the vanity. the lack of sympathy for normal human conditions. all details. none of it matters. the bigger picture is that it doesn't stop me from believing in the goodness we all encompass. the goodness that exists in one person is more potent than all the horror stories i read about on a daily basis. it sustains me until the next low. and when i hit that low--those shards. those shards are all i need to remember.

i've been blessed to have many shards. memories that bring unadulterated joy to my life. i'm so fortunate to have found a few more good people that have already added to that collection and in the times to come--will no doubt--add some more. my time in ny and with my coworkers has been incredibly enriching.

i've never needed security. it hinders freedom. i accept my precarious decision now. i have no desire to fight my inner nature. i am what i am.

life is good...and this is what happens when you have a good chat with someone who has impacted your life positively...well--that and decided to stay in on a friday night. :) i'm not a good person in the normal sense of the word. i think most people i've met have probably thought of me as incredibly cold, judgmental, harsh and heartless. but i've never claimed to be good. too many flaws, too many missed opportunities, too many selfish decisions, too many times of self-absorption. this little manifesto itself is self-indulgent. but that doesn't mean i can't spot goodness and appreciate it when i find it. they give me hope. make me feel like i can fly. that this world is worth saving--and that's why i do what i do and believe what i believe.

i don't need to be a good person when there are so many good people already existent in this world. i don't need to be a good person--i just have to surround myself with good people! haha

just another lazy weekend

well. not really really. i mean. i did do a lot--just not much of what i planned on doing. ha. i am watching the superbowl while blogging during commercials. i did love that heroes commercial that featured john elway. god i love john elway. my fave player ever. that and the glove--gp--gary payton.

joy came over to the dark side friday night. i was supposed to cook a relatively traditional lao dinner--but i got home late from jersey, still had to do a ton of office stuff--and we ended up going to shabu instead (i was also there on wednesday with a mae and irene). surprise surprise.

then we came back, put in 3 movies i had (suicide kings, devil wears prada, a bug's life) and crashed.

we were supposed to wake up at 9ish--i even set the alarm. but i turned off the alarm and went back to bed. we didn't end up leaving the house until 11:30 for brunch at daisy's diner. then we drove off in search of a bed bath and beyond in brooklyn (never made it) and headed back to fairway in red hook instead.

i call it joy's brooklyn adventure. somehow, no matter how hard we try--we're just not the planning sort. plans just have a way of changing with the day's mood! but i think that's how it should be.

i am headed back to my beloved, quaint, pacific northwest on the 12th. i'm mass excited. it will be great to see the fam and especially my brand spankin new nephew (well, not so new anymore, but new to me). i am planning on eating up a storm of southeast asian cuisine. why? because what passes for it here is godawful. just awful. the thai food is hideously bland. the vietnamese food is whitenized and the banh mi should NOT have american style cuts in it. anyhow, southeast asian food here stinks. i can't say i'm impressed by the mexican food either. i was never a fan of mexican food to begin with--but it does not compare to its counterpart on the west coast. otherwise--everything else is delish.

so i am extremely excited. food hasn't been tasting so good to me lately and i'm not sure why. but everything is just--blah.

HEROES SEASON PREMIERE TOMORROW!

here's hoping that life settles down some and...yeah. yeah.

i have finished 4 of the books i purchased. i have started reading "life of pi" which i am completely besotted with already. there are tons of good quotes in it. i think i shall start putting a quote in every blog. i probably won't keep it up very long--but it seems like a good idea that is doubtlessly a cliche.

i also finally have gotten with the program and opened a gmail email account. i had my hotmail account for 10 years. wow.

also love that soda commercial that utilized peter and the wolf (sergei prokofiev).

i am also obsessed with the following sites:

www.urbandictionary.com
http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com

ikea

so after i finished work today--i headed off to ikea-land. it is pretty close to my place actually. just a few minutes drive.

i needed to purchase a tv stand with some storage space that was still very compact and i thought i'd find it there...

instead, i came home with a new clothes rack (the portis)--which was good--because i needed a new one badly. the cheapy canvas one i bought for $60 bucks off target.com broke. and i just got it like--2 months ago. i purchased this one for only $39.99 and (knock on wood) i think it is going to last a lifetime. it is very strong/heavy metal. i have high hopes.

i love heroes...though this one was a tad graphic with the whole hot black guy being decapitated bit...why is it that they always kill off the future painters? first isaac (the hot hispanic guy) and now usutu. i guess they like reusing the whole "how ironic" bit.

anyhow, i need to contact the appropriate people because i really do think i'm going to head down to dc for thanksgiving--at least for a couple days.